Do you feel that you’re missing out on a level of intimacy you could possibly enjoy if you only knew how?
Is sex really meaningful and satisfying for you?
Quite possibly there are issues you know you should explore but you’ve never felt safe enough to do so?
Maybe you already have a story of looking for help and it not quite delivering what you anticipated or felt you needed.
That doesn’t mean it wasn’t all worthwhile but the next step doesn’t seem that obvious yet.
Deep down we often have a sense of what we need but can’t quite put it into words. The really deep issues of our lives need a safe and loving space in which to be revealed and honoured.
They are the ways in which we survived and how we got to be here and now but they may not be helpful for our future. We often need help in letting them go as they are familiar and we haven’t yet been who we could be, or want to become.
I can help you find the way.
“What is real?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
From 'The Original Velveteen Rabbit' by Margery Williams
When you work with me you will get help in facing fear and dealing with shame. You’ll begin to accept yourself as I teach you about the science of sexuality and the psychology of intimacy. As you experience pleasure in your body and feel its benefits, your confidence will grow and you will blossom.
Hi, I'm Dr Graham
I’m an Intimacy coach who helps people find more freedom and pleasure in their relationships and specifically in the bedroom.
I have the experience of being in a developing relationship for over 40 years. We have each had to deal with the past and what we brought to our relationship. Helping each other through the pain to becoming free from guilt and shame has been a deeply bonding and maturing process.
Work With Me
The personal nature of this work requires trust, which is developed slowly and respectfully. Many clients have suffered traumatic experiences that need to be processed by both the mind and body and this takes time.
Starting with online sessions is a great way to build up to in-person work, as trust and confidence increases. I believe that deep down everyone knows the pathway to their own healing ... the way home to themselves.
Meeting face to face online is a good way to get to know each other. It has many advantages in being safe, convenient and not limited by geography. There is also a lot that can be covered in terms of sex education and relationship skills. For many people this is all they need as they have partners with whom they can practice.
However, many people have a deep-seated 'skin hunger' which is just the basic human need for touch and connection. When this has been neglected or abused it can take time to overcome the blockages to experiencing pleasure. Not having to take another person's needs into account can be a strange new and liberating experience that allows you to tune into your own body's needs and desires.
Beyond The Missionary Position
Dr Graham Stevenson at The Sex Lectures (Manchester)
“Graham has been able to allay some of my deepest fears, however crazy they may have sounded, and deals patiently with those that stubbornly resurface. This process has become about more than the vaginismus for me; it’s about learning how to play again, as an adult, and Graham’s easy humour definitely facilitates that sometimes difficult process for me.”