Intimacy Coach
07933 709 169
In-Person Coaching Sessions
Some things cannot be done online, and touch is one of them. We are hardwired for survival and programmed to look out for danger. When touch involves our vulnerable body, we need to be really sure that we are safe. Without feeling safe, we cannot devote our attention to feeling pleasure.
I always cover boundaries and consent, using the Wheel of Consent teaching, before any massage. Learning to relax is hard for many people, especially those who have experienced trauma or abuse. Just allowing yourself to receive pleasure can also be hard for those who have devoted their lives to giving to others.
The first massage is often fully clothed to get used to receiving touch and how the body feels. Agreements, in terms of the exercises and limits, are made each session so that there are no surprises. I aim to create a shame-free space where anything can come up and is positively encouraged to do so.
We all have shadows where we hide our unresolved issues which require a lot of energy to keep them suppressed. Bringing them into awareness allows them the chance to transform with a release of that energy which can be redirected into conscious living. These blockages can be in both emotional forms as well as held physically in the body.
Moving from repression and fear to self-acceptance and expansion allows our awareness to include subtleties of touch and small movements of energy. Instead of numbness or sensitivity in specific areas, the whole body becomes more alive as the brain reconnects with forgotten neural pathways. Beyond the physical, we can also become aware of our energetic body and begin to enjoy the ecstasy that is found there.
My aim is to help clients move from surviving to thriving in life by being able to feel and choose how to express their creative erotic life energy.
As an example:
Carol and John (two totally fictitious composite clients!) had both been traumatised in their childhoods. They had been in many relationships and had met later in life. They loved each other but were not getting on well in the bedroom. Neither wanted to jeopardise the relationship, and both accepted that they brought their own baggage to the partnership.
After covering their personal and relationship history, we agreed that I would work with Carol and a female colleague would work with John.
As part of the consent and boundaries teaching, I ask about preferred greetings. She loved hugs but couldn’t easily relax with ‘another man’. Her conservative religious family background turned out to be the voice of shame on many issues about sex and relationships. At the beginning of each session, she was able to progressively relax into a fully clothed hug and feel the nurture and connection in her body.
It was hugely significant that our sessions were time for her and her alone. We stopped whenever she felt triggered and focused on the here and now. Carol learnt how to let the emotions role as they needed or be calmed through grounding exercises.
In time, we progressed onto massages involving more nakedness that enabled her to feel more pleasure and become more confident. A ritual called Unveiling the Goddess triggered a deep release of sadness and sorrow in her as she connected with her mother and grandmother and the inter-generational repression and abuse in the family.
She began to see herself in a new light and feel more of what her body wanted and how it naturally responded to touch. She became playful and free of shame. This fed into her relationship with John and changed the stereotypical dynamic of male and female roles they had been playing. As the result of our work together, they were more truly themselves with each other and much more patient and creative.
Many clients experience a deeper connection with themselves and an expansion of their erotic repertoire. This often sets them on a journey of exploration that continues and counters the boredom that inevitably creeps in after many years of routine sex.
For those who don’t have a partner, live at a distance or simply want to explore more extensively, then we can meet for Intensive sessions.
If you have an issue that you feel would benefit from sharing with me and possibly working on together, then contact me on 07933 709 169 now for a free introductory call.